Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
