I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i believe in u and ur pee
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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