you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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