My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i've created a new STD.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
