I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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