I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
