what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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