Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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