I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
