How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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