Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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