I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
