areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
my liver is dry heaving
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
