Tell her she can't have a vagina
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
