I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
