New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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