Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
