I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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