I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
