My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
