i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
