This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
