Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
