you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
