tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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