My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
MIDGETS
????
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
