No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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