you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
