Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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