Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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