is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
