it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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