we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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