Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Quick, to the slutcave!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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