nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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