You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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