I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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