Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
