Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
pray to the hookup gods
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
