He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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