well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
