I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
