hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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