I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize