I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
