i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize