is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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