A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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