I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize