So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize