So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
