he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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