yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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