You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
