Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize