Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
