at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
