it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize