Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
