I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
