God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
