Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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