Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
