Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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