i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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