Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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