Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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