why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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