I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
