I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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