I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
