I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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