It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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