I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Everyone says I win the strip club
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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