what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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