You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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