btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize