Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
