You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
