just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize