I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
