dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
