Don't make out with my wife yet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
