If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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