he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
