You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
