I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize