put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize