singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We need to get me chipped asap
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
