She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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