I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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