Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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