so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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