seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
