remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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