woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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