a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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