I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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