Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I forgot how hot balto sounded
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
