xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
accomplished twins. life is a go
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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