Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize