You're my little dorito
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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