I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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