There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
