I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
