4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
