Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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