Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
