I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it hurts more in the daytime
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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