the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
