Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize