Where are you?
In a non slutty way
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
